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[arcreact]

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You know what to do.

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[arcreact]

[ Tony raises a single sardonic eyebrow in Mettaton's direction as he splays himself out, so at least they're going two-for-two. He drags over a large cart piled haphazardly with various tools, standard and power alike, none of which seem organized in any coherent fashion. ]

Normally I'd take a guy out to dinner first.

[ Them's the breaks, pal. Tony plucks a flashlight and screwdriver from the cart and begins going over the damage limb by limb, cataloging the work that needs to be done by dictating notes to a nearby laptop as he does so. ]

[mttbrandlegs]

I'm pretty sure we d-did something at the party, right? I can't r-r-really remember. But it was probably as close to dinner a-a-as you can get with a r-robot.

[Mettaton goes along with the diagnostics about as well as can be expected. He's not shy about being touched. If he was, then he'd really have been in trouble during his maintenance sessions with Alphys.

His limbs are, as expected, a mess, and a few soft taps from ejecting themselves. Why was he even built with that function? It's a mystery.

Or probably something to do with the fact that his limbs weren't built on all at once. That's the hazard of being made of whatever your best friend could find at the dump and refine.]

[arcreact]

[ Tony doesn't comment further on the sorry state of Mettaton's various parts, at least, but whether that's because he's so absorbed in his work or because he actually feels kind of sorry for the guy, it's hard to say. As he pauses to swap to a wrench-soldering iron combo, apparently done cataloging damages and switching gears into actually fixing them, he puts on an artfully hurt expression. ]

What? You're seriously telling me you don't remember our passion-filled tryst?

[mttbrandlegs]

Well. I remember flirting with you, but not much after that. I was exceptionally high, actually. That is the colloquialism for being under the influence of substances, right? Sorry to be such a spoilsport, but if you like, we can try it again later.

[He grins flirtily, but his heart's not in it. That party sucked, and just because his boyfriend wasn't on the ship anymore didn't mean that he was ready to get intimate with anyone else.]

[arcreact]

Can a robot even get high? [ He's been doing something wrong for a very long time for this to be the first time he's contemplated it. ] —No, don't answer that, my imagination is better.

[ What is he imagining? The world may never know, but it's probably excellent.

He starts working on the join of Mettaton's left arm and shoulder, deciding it's best not to have anything fall off while he's working on the minutia, like fingers. ]

Not to be a heartbreaker, but I'm taken. Your metalman passion is best saved for someone who can really appreciate it.

[mttbrandlegs]

[Mettaton would have answered that too. What a shame.

He idly watches Tony work on his arm, though there's a bit of a twitch as Tony mentions that he is taken. Yeah...yeah, Mettaton had been taken too.

Was.]

I think that's a-a-actually the cutest thing I've he-heard you say, full stop. [A laugh.] You didn't s-sss-strike me as the sort to be tied down, sweetheart.

[arcreact]

[ Tony just gives him A Look, not that there's any genuine bite behind it. ]

I can't believe you just called me cute while I have a dangerous metal instrument shoved in your armpit.

[ Is this a touchy subject right now?? We just don't know. What a mystery. ]

[mttbrandlegs]

What's the worst that c-could happen, you burn m-m-me? Oooh, I'm terrified!!

[Mettaton isn't taking it back, but he doesn't harp about Tony's relationship status, at least.

But as for the sass-mouthing? It's much easier to do that when he's otherwise a broken bucket of bolts.]

You're cute and nothing y-y-you say will cha-change my mind, sweetheart.

[arcreact]

You should be. I'm very terrifying.

[ He finishes the tightening required to keep Mettaton's arm from falling off while he works on the rest of it, so he takes this opportunity to lift and ignite his soldering iron. As if to prove a point, which is fruitless, because it's still not particularly terrifying. At all. ]

You're not about to hear me denying my staggering amounts of charm, though.

[mttbrandlegs]

[Mettaton clenches his fist, then moves the arm Tony was working on, testing it--ahaha, no, no. The segments are still a little screwy. But it's a start.]

Careful now. You n-n-needn't threaten m-me with a good t-time.

[The appropriate response would probably be "Mettaton no."]

[arcreact]

[ Mettaton. No. ]

I'm learning so much about the kinky shit you're into. Anything else you wanna share while I solder your wrist attachments back together? I can keep a secret.

[ He doesn't wait for an answer, though he's genuinely, morbidly curious as he sets about fixing the weakened metal joints. What are robots even into? Probably some crazy shit Tony's never even thought of before. ]

[mttbrandlegs]

Look h-here Mr. Stark, I kno-know you have me p-positively at y-y-your mercy, and the mercy of y-yo-your tools, but aren't you just g-getting a little familiar there~?

[Does Tony actually want to know?]

But if the secret's s-so important to you, I-I prefer it r-rough! Quite rough!

[Someone needs Jesus.]

[arcreact]

Incredible.

[ THIS BULLSHIT HAS UNEXPECTEDLY IMPROVED HIS MOOD A GOOD, LIKE, 400%. Thanks Mettaton. ]

So, what, like - is that a programmed behavior? Did your creator sit down and say "hell yes, I wanna make a robot who's really into spanking," or did you just pick that up later? I have so many questions.

[ This is suddenly the most suspect soldering job he's done in his whole life. ]

[mttbrandlegs]

T-to be quite honest, it wouldn't su-surprise me if she considered i-i-it! But no, it's a co-con-contingency, actually! I c-can't usually feel anything, and what--whatever I feel is not the same as what y-you feel.

[This would be so much easier if he could talk straight, but hey. At least he's explaining, and at least it does make sense. Or should.

Maybe not.]

Alphys pro-programmed a sense of p-pain if I'm ex-experiencing something likely to l-leave lasting damage! Like bl-blunt force trauma, o-or compromising internal damage.

[He pauses, watching Tony work for a moment. The next part o this explanation actually does make their entire conversation technically not safe for work, but you better not stop, Mr. Stark.]

How I ch-choose to perceive this "pain" is a-a-all on me. B-b-better to enjoy pain than enjoy f-feeling absolutely no-nothing.

It makes me feel alive!

[arcreact]

Y'know, I'd say some of that seems concerning, but who am I to judge? As long as you're having a good time, you've got my full support, pal.

[ Tony shuts the tool off, giving Mettaton a long, considering look. ]

Though I gotta say, as much fun as this is, I think we should address that vocalization problem before we deal with the other arm.

[ He's gonna hear robotic stuttering in his sleep if this goes on much longer. ]

[mttbrandlegs]

Ugh, pl-please! I'm so o-o-over it, feel f-free to fix it!!

[Mettaton was definitely hoping Tony would say that. Especially since not talking was literally The Worst, and the robot couldn't imagine such a sad state of affairs. But at the same time...yikes, his voice is a disaster and he's surprised Tony didn't deal with it sooner.

Ah, well. Beggars can't be choosers.]