[ Pepper draws in a sharp breath at the question as if scandalized at the mere thought, covering the pig's ears so he wouldn't hear such traumatizing ideas. ]

Him, not it. Don't even think about making any bacon jokes.

[ Hmph! She goes back to gently petting the pig in her arms who continues to be quite happy with the treatment, occasionally letting out quiet grunts and oinks. ]

Anyway. [ She sighs deeply, because this is sort of a long story and she'd specifically told Hawke when it happened not to tell Tony about their outing so he wouldn't worry needlessly. Or make fun. Either one of those. ]

I took Hawke out to get our nails done a couple of days ago. You know, to bond with her a little. Uh, well, it turned out the salon was really a front for some aliens running a pet trafficking ring. They were doing experiments on the animals in the basement, like enhancing them scientifically for all kinds of weird things? I guess that's a thing some people want, like fire-breathing dogs and such...? [ She winces a little before shrugging, forging on. ]

Long story short -- we busted those poor creatures out, the bad guys got what they deserved, and... now I have a pig. Simple, really. [ TOTES. ]